Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
