Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
