smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
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Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.