You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
