I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
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