My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize