I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
When did we convert life to cartoon?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha