in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
