two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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