Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.