in pain and im wearing pink underwear
i dont own pink underwear
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"