I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.