Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing