it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
