also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.