y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.