Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
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Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
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Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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