I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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