You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
