Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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