Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We're too hungover to prance.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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