my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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