why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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