no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head