did you get engaged???
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?