Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.