So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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