I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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