You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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