Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
