Where did you get a picture of my penis
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
