I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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