i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
