we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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