I can text with my tongue
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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