did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize