So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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