Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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