Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
