Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
