You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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