I'm jealous of your bromance
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
