Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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