he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
