I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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