Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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