I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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