she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
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Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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