either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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