They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
