Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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