I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Congratulations! We have a period
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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