I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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