I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
