Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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