So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
